I recently came across some egregious examples of spouses’ career advice that my clients took to action (they came to me in its aftermath!) that are worth sharing with my readers, lest they are also tempted to follow similar fate. I have slightly modified the actual stories to protect the innocent, but what is interesting is that bad career advice is gender agnostic!
Case-I:
This person, who later became my client, was working in a laboratory with chemicals and materials that concerned her. Although their potentially harmful effects were not known or publicized, my client felt that it was not safe to continue to work in that laboratory when she realized that she was pregnant. Not knowing how to move to another work area or even being aware that such a move was possible, she continued to work there for a few months, and then suddenly suffered a miscarriage. She was devastated by this and wondered if there was any correlation between her suspicions about the chemicals and materials she handled in her lab, and her miscarriage.
My client wanted to first discuss this matter in-person with her boss and then decide how this could be handled in a delicate and productive way, moving forward. Her husband, on the other hand, got quite upset and told her to fire off a letter to HR about what had happened, holding the company responsible, and demanding immediate action to move her to another work area. Her husband was adamant, and in her fragile state, she acquiesced to his demand, sending a sternly worded email to her HR manager about what had happened.
As you can imagine HR immediately thought it was at least an attempt to extort a Workers’ Comp claim, or even a potential lawsuit—it is their job to think this way—and forwarded that matter to the company’s legal counsel. Once the legal counsel got involved things went downhill from there, and it was very difficult for my client to manage her work, take care of all the meetings with very personal questions that came up when the legal counsel got involved, and to manage her fragile emotional state. My client loves her job and also the company where she works. This episode has created some tension for her with the boss, and her relationship with others has also become strained, further causing her stress.
At a loss to know what to do, my client wanted some advice that would remedy her situation and put her back in good stead with her boss and coworkers. So, I suggested to her to first go to her boss and mention in person that it was a mistake to send that email to HR, and that she should have talked to him first before any of this was set in motion. Further, all she wanted to explore with her boss was his willingness to allow her to pursue other opportunities in the same company in view of her apprehensions about the chemicals and the environment. With an informal and personal approach it would not have been that difficult to move to another area, because she was viewed as a good employee. In view of how this matter was handled, however, the company is extremely cautious about any move it now wants to make that involves my client. The outcome here is unclear, short of my client’s leaving the company for another job!
Case-II:
In this case the person involved, who later became my client, left a large company with a lucrative job and joined a fledgling start-up, which gave him a smaller pay package with stock to make up for the shortfall. As a result of this pay cut my client’s family had to adjust its lifestyle to a new lower income, and make some changes to the household help that they had previously availed.
During the production launch of the company’s new product a supplier in Europe had managed to bungle a key component and, as a result, the company’s production run was in jeopardy. To remedy the situation the CEO of the company approached my client and asked him if he would pack his bags and camp out at the supplier’s facility in Europe until the problem was straightened out. This could have meant several weeks of being at the supplier until the problem was resolved.
When my client went home that day and told his wife what he was asked to do, she immediately responded by asking him how the household work would get done, and who would look after the kids. She was not going to change her work hours to accommodate the trip, and told him that if they could re-hire the help they had lost, things could be workable. This meant that they needed additional monies to afford this help during his time away. So, she told her husband to demand an immediate raise to his salary to a level he got at his previous job, without which he would not go on that trip! She also told him that rather than talking this over with the CEO in person, that he should send him an email, clearly stating his demands and his refusal to undertake the trip if the demands were not met! Remember, this was a potential production-stoppage issue, so urgent response and action from the company were critical.
As soon as the CEO got that email he called my client to his office and told him that such a demand and behavior were unacceptable, and that if he were not such a key player in that company, he would terminate his employment immediately. After that venting session the CEO worked out a plan with my client to remotely remedy the supplier problem. Although the CEO would have preferred the original approach, he was willing to compromise with this less effective solution of remote monitoring.
Immediately after the meeting with the CEO the client called me to ask for advice and to learn how he should have handled this situation and what he should do in the future to manage such encounters.
My advice to the client was that the demand placed on him to travel had nothing to do with his family’s financial needs. The time to ask for the right package was before joining the company, and not when the company was in a bind. The other piece of advice I offered my client was that he could have prepared a plan, working with the CEO and others, where his physical presence at the supplier site could have been substituted by actions that involved the supplier, a recovery plan, and someone to oversee it in Europe, with my client providing the oversight from here. The company had enough things going to justify my client’s remaining where he was and he could have made the argument for such a recovery plan, if done thoughtfully, and without jeopardizing his career! That way he would have stayed home and got the job done!
Oftentimes, matters involving one’s job and career take an emotional turn, and people are not able to objectively assess the right course of action. If done poorly they can tantamount to career suicide! So, if your spouse or a close relative pushes you to take a course of action that you do not feel comfortable with, seek out someone who can give you objective advice or pay a professional; it is worth the price!
Good luck!