Some Tips for Re-igniting Your Inner Fire!

In everyone’s life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit. —Albert Schweitzer, philosopher, physician, musician, Nobel laureate (1875-1965).

Some clients come to me when they experience a prolonged “flameout,” cannot re-ignite their engines, and need help to move forward with purpose. In most cases I explore to see what prompted this flameout and what the client needs to do to get their mojo back. I am writing this blog, as a career and a life coach, to share many of the common themes that I find in this exploration, with corresponding remedies. As the quote above suggests it is normal (even for a Nobel prize winner!) to experience these flameouts, so do not feel bad! In most cases, this flameout occurs over a period of time precipitated often by a single impactful event—such as a job loss—often exacerbated by the ensuing downward spiral of much smaller events over a period of time:

1. Major Loss:A major sense of loss ensues when you lose your job, a loved one, or when you are in the process of a divorce. Each person handles such a personal blow in their own way, but there are some basic strategies that help you deal with such a loss and regain your footing.One of the main factors in overcoming the sense of profound loss in such cases is not to personalize what happened, but to take what happened personally.

   What is the difference? Personalizing a loss entails finding where you went wrong in creating the outcome that you just witnessed, and then wishing that you had behaved differently. In the case of a job loss one may personalize this by saying to themselves something that they could have or should have done to prevent getting laid-off or fired. Such speculation is meaningless, but what IS meaningful is to take charge of what you need to do moving forward—taking it personally—to deal with it, to take charge of the outcome now.

2. Bad Situation: Bad situations can arise from a variety of factors in your personal or professional life. When dealing with your job or your career these typically entail your boss, colleague, or employer. In such cases I often find people either resigning themselves to the situation and quietly suffering through it to a point of their becoming a martyr. Another typical response is to run away from the situation and to start a new chapter in another company. Neither of these strategies works, because being a martyr is not ennobling, contrary to what some believe, nor is moving to another place of work. When you go to another place, human nature being what it is, you are likely to encounter the same or similar situation in short order. The best strategy in such cases is to learn to deal with such adversity and conquer your inner fears. When you take this approach you are more likely to be successful where you are, and no matter where you go.
3. Setbacks: Setbacks, such as demotion, having to accept lower income, a transfer to a less glamorous job, or having to move to a less desirable neighborhood are all seen by many as “failures.” Therein lies the root cause of despair. If you look at the life’s ups and downs as lessons that enrich our lives and give us perspective, one is less likely to suffer defeat with such setbacks. Once again, not personalizing your plight and having a concerted plan to moving ahead are the best antidotes when you are faced with such setbacks.
4. Betrayed Friendships: When a dear “friend” betrays you in the time of your need people are often surprised by how they are treated. Some sulk, transfer that betrayal to their other relationships, and withdraw from their otherwise rich social life. This can quickly cause you to be lonely and alone, which will exacerbate your feeling of powerlessness. So, the best strategy is to contain the betrayal to the only relationship that is damaged, and to maintain your relationships with the others with a healthy dose of caution and proper expectations.
5. Difficult Relatives: This is yet another cause for one to be brought down. Many of my clients feel overwhelmed when some of their close relatives try to interfere in their lives by giving them gratuitous advice, even in career matters, expecting them to follow it. In many cases my clients go into the avoidance mode and suffer through the difficult period of dealing with their relatives when they are going through difficult times. Such non-supportive relatives further add to their plight rather than helping them in their time of need. The best antidote is to politely tell the nosy relatives to mind their own business and to tell them that you already are seeking professional help.

The quote at the head of this blog suggests that when you are suffering from a flameout you need to seek inspiration from others. Such inspiration may not always be available from a person in flesh. A good proxy for reigniting your engines when you are feeling down for a prolonged period and are staying in a funk is to find an inspiring book or a movie to lift your spirits. Better yet, learn how to find inspiration within yourself, by reflecting on your own past successes, and by reminding yourself how you overcame some situations that originally appeared hopeless to you. Life is not always easy, but the challenges it throws at you are not to kill your inner flame; rather they are offered to you to discover your inner strengths yourself, and for you to learn from such experiences.

Good luck!