In one of his books Dale Carnegie said that to really get people to do what you want from them entails knowing about yourself these four key factors:
How you look,
How you dress,
What you say, and
How you say it!
In my business it is all about coaching my clients to get what they come looking for in their career and life. Yet, few understand the significance of Dale Carnegie’s simple exhortation. I am going to use this blog to explain why each of these factors is important, and, together, they define, in large measure, your success in life.
How you look:
By this I do not mean that you need to look like a movie star, but I do mean how you project yourself and your energy in its every manifestation. Sometimes, when well-employed, well-paid clients come to me for guidance they simply look “unemployed” as I see them for the first time. This is also true for those unfortunate ones who are unemployed. My first reminder to all my clients: It is OK to be unemployed, but you must not look unemployed. The same holds true for how they sound in their phone greetings: their tone, their message, and the energy all betray their state of mind. This is what I mean by “how you look” in all your manifestations.
Being unemployed, having a career setback, or facing a challenging situation at work are all existential realities in our world. How we deal with them and how we overcome our adversities are all within our powers, however. So, learn how to look powerful even when you feel defeated and learn how to accelerate your recovery by projecting the right energy in your everyday manifestation!
How you dress:
Once again by this I do not mean I want you to look like a model from the pages of a fashion magazine! I want you, instead, to dress and look your best in whatever attire you choose to wear that is appropriate for your station in life. Learn how to maximize your overall effect by how you dress and how you build your “image.”
What you say:
In today’s casual verbal communication form both our written and oral communication tends to be sloppy. Tweets, emails, and IMs have greatly vitiated our use of proper language and such sloppiness unduly impacts how people perceive us—especially those how are in a position to influence major decisions. Using a single improper word can quickly dispatch your esteem in others’ minds to a trash heap. Who can forget Sara Palin’s “refudiate” tweet during the 2008 presidential campaign and its disastrous aftermath!
How you say it:
This has to do with your point of view in how you approach others to get something that you want from them, more than any other factor. As a career coach with thousands of strong LinkedIn connections I get dozens of requests routinely from people in my network to connect or to introduce to others in my network. In most cases the requests are sloppy, inconsiderate, and peremptory. Let me give the most recent example of a Linked request (names disguised):
“I want an introduction to Dave Smith. Thanks!”
This request—I did not make this up—came from Sally Jones, another very common name. I have so many people in my network with such names that I cannot take the time to research from their email (and I literally get hundreds of daily emails) their affiliation and the purpose behind this request. My own rule in making such connections is this: If I cannot contextualize the person making the request in my own mind and understand the reason for the introduction in about three seconds, I simply ignore such requests.
If, instead, Sally had made the following request I’d have introduced her to Dave for sure, before opening my next email:
“You may recall, Dilip, that I am your client and we worked together during my transition out of HP as a product manager two years back. Your guidance then helped me get that right job I was seeking. Since then I am at Cisco, and I am now looking to connect with Dave Smith, IT Director, at Citrix to see if they have any need for our new XYZ product. I would appreciate your introducing me to Dave. Thanks much!”
Understanding what prompts people to help you is at the core of this “how you say it” part. We are so wrapped up in fulfilling our own needs that by ignoring this simple courtesy, we are compromising our own success.
None of what I have said here is rocket science! It is at the heart of what has come to be known as Emotional Intelligence (EQ)!, So, the next time you want to get something to move forward in a direction that you want, remember these four factors that can make or break you!
Good luck!