Why is Having A Mentor a Bad Idea?!

So much has been written and made about how a mentor can transform one’s career or even their life that questioning that very premise may sound blasphemous. This blog is NOT about abandoning that basic idea, but it is more about the HOW you go about setting up a meaningful mentoring relationship with people that can help you in a variety of ways.

A mentor is someone with whom you have a relationship of trust and respect, and one who brings to your interactions with them a sense of gravity with which you must act to derive benefit from that interaction. Here, I use the word mentor and coach somewhat interchangeably. Strictly speaking, a coaching relationship is with a person, who provides their services for a fee. A mentor, on the other hand, is someone with whom you have built a trusted relationship based on their stature in the professional circles of your choosing, and someone who can help you in ways that goes beyond mere professional expertise. It is their wisdom and professional stature that can combine to provide you the guidance that you can find beneficial.

Those in the corporate world find it easier to vector into a mentor from within their own organization or company, based on how they find that person of value to them. Often, though, star players get many requests from up-and-coming employees, who want to connect with them as their mentors. When this relationship gets more solidified over time, the problem becomes one of the mentee getting identified with the mentor as an extension of them. Although there is nothing wrong with this notion, but because of the political nature of many relationships, especially for higher-echelon executives, it may  not always be safe to hitch your wagon to someone else’s star.

Yet another reason for not getting too intimately associated with just one senior person inside an organization is that, no matter how capable they might be, it is always a good idea to keep your own growth trajectory in mind, even growing beyond the level of professional standing your mentor has achieved. Too much adulation of someone, no matter how accomplished, can serve as a limiting factor for your own growth. It is best, instead, to compare your own growth to the standards you set for yourself. Setting those standards high, and continually evaluating them can help you go beyond the reach even you thought possible.

So, what is the best way to establish a mentoring relationship to grow and to achieve professional excellence? Here is my recipe:

1.     Clearly identify your own growth and development needs rather than just blindly signing up with a star player within your own company. Although such star players can provide you the exposure you need to grow within and outside your own ambit of influence, there are always those limitations stated above and the risks associated with them.

2.     Identify different areas of growth in which you need to work on and find the best-in-class in each of those areas, first within your own company and then from the outside. Make a plan to avail the expertise of the most effective relationships. Also, keep those relationships nurtured, once started and solidified.

3.     Work with a coach (for a fee), who can provide a general plan, and work with the mentors you have chosen and with the coach to create a plan for your growth.

4.     Set up some metrics to monitor your progress in each of the identified areas. Check with your coach to ascertain that your plan is realistic (but aggressive) and that you can keep on that plan on a sustained basis.

5.     Create a Board of Directors for your own growth with 3-6 such individuals, who bring different dimensions to your growth. Do not stay fixated on just one person even within this group. Move on to others, who can accelerate your growth. Once you are on a growth plan, you’d be surprised to see how fast you outgrow your own plan.

6.     Become a mentor to someone. There is no reason why you cannot mentor someone while you are getting your own mentoring. In fact, you grow much faster by giving to others than from getting.

7.     Include geographically diverse members on your Board to understand the nuances of different cultures that can be integrated in your growth plan. In this rapidly globalized environment, those who understand cultural nuances (Cultural Intelligence-CQ) will have an edge.

8.     Maintain a positive relationship with each of your Board members. When someone helps you in your endeavors—and that includes your paid coach—show your appreciation for their help. Nothing energizes a relationship more than an honest and spontaneous acknowledgment from someone you helped.

9.     Make an annual audit of your mentoring relationships. Re-org your Board to help you propel forward. You do not need to “fire” anyone; just adjust the frequency of your interaction with them in lieu of those with your new mentors.

10.  Mentoring and getting mentored require commitment, a plan of action, and hard work. If you follow the above guidelines, this should make it a bit easier!

Good luck!