“Your reach should be greater than your grasp.” –Robert Browning
In a tough job market fewer jobs and tough competition make many wanting to stay in their safe zone, avoiding any undue risk. Even in a normal job market there are many who prefer to be safe in their status-quo than pursuing something that can elevate their station. The risk they face is that of rejection after putting in a major effort going through the process of applying, preparing for interviews, and getting psyched up to face the scrutiny of your bona fides. This is not limited to just jobs but to any change we want to make to better ourselves in our life.
In tough job markets rejections are more common than one getting accepted for the target job they are pursuing. Each such rejection makes you wonder about your own self-worth with a thought in your mind of what is missing in your overall capabilities to crush your job interviews and the overall selection process. Repeated rejections can create its own dynamic in that you wonder about your self-worth—even wondering if there is something wrong with your overall approach and even you—and how you can turn the tide of this ongoing defeats!
When one gets into this mindset, it often results in a downward spiral in how they approach ongoing attempts to continue their job search. Further, they develop an attitude that vitiates their efforts to penetrate job opportunities that they could easily ace normally. What makes this situation even more abnormal is created by their own way of reacting to what is happening and giving up too soon to avoid further defeats. This vicious cycle can create serious mental health problems in people who are risk-averse and who personalize all their defeats, withdrawing themselves from any available opportunities, lest they sink further in their funk.
What is worse than personalizing these rejections and brooding over your own self-worth?
That would be self-rejection!
Let me explain: Repeated rejections—or even the mere fear of a possible rejection—force some to avoid going through such possibility and they decide to “self-reject” by staying away from such opportunities. This is the reason why the quote by Robert Browning from his famous poem Andrea del Sarto is at the top of this blog. It suggests that setting ambitious aims, even if they may be impossible to fully grasp, gives life meaning and encourages continuous effort and aspiration. When they create adversity for you to overcome, they become the mobilizing force and your source of life-giving oxygen!
So, how do you keep going when there is no certainty of the outcome your desire and your mind tells you to avoid taking risk that may result in a feeling of even greater defeat that you cannot overcome?
Here are some ways to build your immunity to self-rejection:
- Strive for more: The saying encourages you to aim high and to not settle for what is easy or guaranteed. If your goals are always within your immediate reach, you are not truly striving for anything.
- Find purpose in the effort: The act of reaching for something just beyond your grasp is what provides fulfillment. The quote implies that the journey and the ambition are as important as the destination.
- Embrace aspiration: It can be interpreted as a call to have ideals and a vision for a better station or future, and to work toward it, even if it’s never fully attained.
- Learn from failure: The quote also suggests that it is noble to attempt difficult things, even if you fail. It’s about the value of the pursuit itself, and it’s important to manage disappointment and learn from the experience.
- Build Failure Immunity: By boldly taking on ambitious goals, giving your full effort to prepare to overcome any obstacles, and learning from the process allows you to build your self-confidence in how you prepare to achieve some worthy goals. So, if you focus on the process and not the outcome—selection or rejection—makes your more aware of how you grow and build your immunity to what you cannot control. What you can control is how you prepare yourself to deal with the challenge.
- Engage with Growth Mindset: We often underestimate our own ability to perform in adverse situations and ignore the “magical hand,” serendipity, or synchronicity that steps in at critical times to help you overcome something that you do not think is possible within your grasp. I do not mean to suggest that you become reckless in how you take risks to advance your station in life on all fronts, but a thoughtful pursuit, followed by a prepared mind can help you in ways that cannot be described as something that happens in everyday experiences.
- Learn to Audit: Always do an audit of what you learned from either outcomes: If you succeed, see if you can codify that learning to attack your next level of challenge to lift yourself even higher. If success eludes you, revisit the critical steps that could have been done differently and learn how to make that work the next time around. Once again, it is the process that makes your grow and not the outcome.
Self-rejection is the worst form of betrayal you can subject yourself to. So, buckle-up, pursue some bold goal, and immunize yourself from the defeat syndrome. You’d amazed by how fast you experience growth!
Good luck!
