Many of my clients come to me because they do not know how to handle stress that is work related. There are myriad factors that can cause you such stress: Unreasonable boss, backstabbing subordinates, impossible deadlines, passive-aggressive colleagues, or threat of a lay-off, just to name a few. Although I am not a health psychologist, who can guide you on making your life healthful through adjusting your mind in dealing with it and its challenges, I do understand how work-related stress can cause you grief and its deleterious fallout.
When we begin our session very few clients start by saying that the stress that they are facing is making it difficult for them to be effective at work. No. Instead, they go into the details of forces that they are fighting at work and how they spend inordinate amount of energy dealing with that force just to survive. So, when the topic of discussion moves to what stress they are dealing with and how it is affecting them my guidance to them shifts from how to advance their career despite this hurdle to how to deal with this stress head on.
In her TED talk Kelly McGonial, who is a health psychologist, debunks the myth of how stress can kill you by presenting evidence that clearly shows that it is not the stress per se that kills, but it is how you think of it and deal with it that does. In other words if you can change your mindset about the stress you are facing by “re-purposing” it you can dramatically change how it can affect you. So, what does that mean to you in your work and career when it comes to dealing with unavoidable stress of various degrees? Here is my prescription:
- First, acknowledge that you are facing a stressful situation because of some change that has happened that you cannot control. Then find ways to take control (read on).
- Find the root-cause of that stress and isolate the few factors that you can deal with to take control of and manage. In my mind taking control and having some ability to manage the flow of stressors can have a profound impact on your ability to deal with it and to minimize its effect on your well-being and ability to be effective.
- For each of the factors that causes you to lose control over your ability to deal with it effectively find strategies that will work to manage those factors. For example, if your boss gave an impossible deadline to complete something and you cannot, because your standards of performance prevent you from delivering something less than “perfect,” either renegotiate that deadline or change the expectations of performance, so that either way you are able to manage the outcome on your terms.
- As Kelly McGonial suggests in her TED talk find something good in the way you are being “harassed” and use this as a learning experience about how to confront adversity and grow from it. Forget the adage, What does not kill you makes you strong! Instead, program yourself to think that stressful situations allow you to explore your own limits of your biological courage and resilience.
- If the source of the stress is unabating and requires constant vigilance on your part, it is time to find alternate options for you to engage yourself: new job, new boss, or new environment.
- In stressful situations find ways to connect with others close to you and share your experience and help them overcome their challenges. Social connections (prompted by the release of your body’s oxytocin in response to your stress) have a profound effect in how your body handles this stress and how it allows you to be resilient in the face of adversity. This is a practiced behavior.
- Reward yourself when you have small wins in the face of the adversity you are facing. Keep a journal and relish your conquests by visiting your past and learning from them.
- When insurmountable challenges at work cause you stress, before taking them on set the parameters of performance and outcomes with those in authority. Do not just take on an “impossible” task to become a hero, but meet with your manager and set expectations of outcomes and rewards BEFORE you take on the challenge.
- Find some time to walk away from the situations that create stress. Simple things like brief mediation periods, breathing, or listening to soothing music can do wonders to reduce the impact of ongoing stress.
- Keep your everyday routine of exercise, family time, and hobbies so that you have control over your time and welfare. Play with your pet and love them up, if your kids are gone.
Stress is harmful ONLY if you think of it as such. So, reprogram your mindset to make stress your friend and live long and well!
Good luck!