“Advice is like snow — the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper it sinks into the mind.” – Samuel Taylor Coleridge
The other day a client from Japan called for some advice: As a project manager he was responsible for delivering some products to an important customer. He had a team assigned to him on this project, but none of the members of this team reported to him; each member merely did their part (as they did for others like him) and he assembled the final output for delivery to the customer to create the right outcome (experience.)
One of his team member had been rebellious and was singing his own tune, often missing deadlines, ignoring my client’s requests to get things done, and was being disrespectful to the customer. My client was frustrated because he did not have direct authority over this rebel and he did not know what to do about his errant ways. It was affecting the overall team morale, delaying the project, and creating customer-relationship problems. The obvious response would have been to go to the rebel’s boss and complain about his disruptive habits and to bring his behavior in line. Although this approach would have been most tempting I steered him away from it!
Why?
Complaining to the errant team member’s boss to bring him in line with other team members might backfire. If the boss thought highly of this team member (he did, we found out) because of how smart he was, then the complaint may reflect poorly on my client’s inability to properly manage someone who was otherwise valuable and smart. The dire consequence of the rebel finding out that my client complained against him to his boss may cause him to lose face (in that culture, a very important aspect of their life) and may result in some negative consequences to my client (such as ratcheting up the negative behavior), exacerbating the situation.
So, I suggested to my client to have a face-to-face meeting with this team member immediately following an adverse episode. I suggested to my client that he should discuss with the errant team member that he had much to offer and that he was smart. My client further suggested to this team member that he could increase his value to the team by changing some of his behaviors. At this point I asked my client to become very specific about the behaviors that needed changing. I cautioned him to not personalize his observations (“you always come late to my meetings.”) but to present them to the team member in such a way that he himself could benefit from the changed behaviors (“If you are there when we start our meetings you’ll be able to talk to others and get the clarity when an issue is raised.”) He further plied the team member with a reward that if he saw the change, that he would personally write to the team member’s boss acknowledging his valuable role on the team!
Well, that did the trick! The team member immediately took to heart the feedback and started changing how he responded to the needs of the team and to the commitments my clients had made to his customers. If this change continues in this direction my client plans to write a memo to the team member’s boss acknowledging his outstanding contributions to the team’s project.
So, what is the lesson here? The most important one is that we often fail to look at how a person may be motivated to change their behavior if we present them with the right options. A querulous approach may give you instant gratification, but will not solve your problem, even make it worse! Most people want to be useful and to do a good job. They just need to be reminded of what is in their best interest and how that will serve YOU!