When I posted my blog, Effective Communication—A Bedrock Skill!, last week I had quoted Dale Carnegie in making my case about effective communication. In that quote Dale Carnegie asserts that how you influence others is driven by how you look, what you say, and how you say it.
Since this blog was about influencing through effective communication I felt that it was important to focus on the “say” parts. So, I merely mentioned, glossing over the “look” part in the passing, and moved on to write about the “say” parts.
As a result, I got so many emails and calls, both from my clients and the regular readers of my blog that I decided to write this blog about the “look” part. Almost everyone who had written or talked to me about this was wrong about what “look” really should mean!
By “look” I do not think that Dale Carnegie intended to imply that one should look like a movie star, or a James Bond character swaggering through the corridors of your company vanquishing those that work with you just with your killer looks and personal appearance. My own view of this “look” part in influencing others is also a part of your ability to communicate non-verbally. What I’d like to call your physical vocabulary. The “say” part deals with the verbal counterpart.
To master the “look” part of your influencing skills I’d like to offer the following guidance to those who want to develop this aspect of their appearance:
1. Be positive and confident. Always! Remember the famous quote: “A positive attitude may not always solve your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort.”
2. How you walk has a lot to do with how you carry yourself. Your gait, posture, and overall energy as you walk signal those around you of your inner power. Always look powerful when you are standing, walking, or even just seating at a table in a meeting. Be relaxed, not anxious!
3. Remember what Eleanor Roosevelt said: No one makes you feel inferior without your consent!
4. Surround yourself with powerful people. Stay away for negative people. I call them energy vampires.
5. Find out what makes you feel powerful and “have it” at least once a day.
6. Believe you can achieve what you have set out to do and proceed as if you have already achieved it. Your brain does not know the difference between imagined reality and actual reality.
7. To look good you do not have to wear a three-piece suit, yet learn how to dress smartly and practice good grooming habits. It shows that you care about your appearance.
8. Smile! It makes others wonder what you know that they don’t!
Good appearance is as much a mental exercise as it is physical. Learn how to project your power by using some of the tips above and couple them with the “say” part from my previous blog. See the difference, yet?
Good luck!