Getting to the “Why”!

People often reach out to me because they feel lost in their careers. I interpret that as being lost, not just in their career but even otherwise! They complain that they are not fulfilled in what they do. As a result, they often resort to supplementing their lives with more clutter to divert their energies in pursuit of happiness and fulfillment, such as a side venture, moonlighting, or even a hobby. When they do this to attain fulfillment, they often feel depleted, confused, and unable to get out of the trap they set for themselves—often triggering a vicious cycle. Some other ways they also divert their attention are frequent job changes, switching careers in hopes of finding better paths for themselves, and perhaps, volunteering in different areas for serendipitous fulfillment.

I think that the main reason so many feel lost in their lives is because they do not bother to answer the basic question of “why” they are doing what they are doing. Simon Sinek in his notable TED talk, How great leaders inspire action, a few years back talked about the Golden Circle. This circle is actually a ring of three concentric circles, with the innermost labeled “Why,” the one next to it, “How,” and the outermost labeled “What.”

In his talk Sinek describes various instances of leadership successes and failures stemming from how each category of leaders (or companies) looked at this model and decided to emphasize the circle that was their focus. Those who focused on the “What” first and traveled inward to explore the “Why” (without really answering it) failed in their endeavors. But, those who had a clear vision of the “Why” and were able to go outward to answering the “What” always succeeded because they were able to connect with their followers in unprecedented ways. In his talk Senek puts Apple, Inc. and some of the more famous leaders—Martin Luther King and other creative geniuses—in this category (watch Simon Sinek’s TED Talk)

I find the pattern repeated in most of those who become my clients through my Client Intake Questionnaire. My Questionnaire is quite comprehensive with many questions that require some deep reflection. Yet, when people answer them their responses are quite banal and perfunctory. For example, one of my questions, If you knew you would not fail, what would you attempt to do? is often answered in the most disappointing way. I am expecting some out-of-the world answers to this question, such as I’d start a company that would change the way people xxx. Yet, most answer it by stating that this year they would seek at least a 4% raise or a better cubicle location for themselves!

I think that part of the problem why we struggle with our everyday challenges and do not overcome them is because we refuse to see ourselves as deserving a much better station than what we have. This is often so perhaps because we always try to deal with the “What” and not the “Why.” So, if you want to transcend your everyday existence and achieve beyond what you thought possible, here is my guidance:

1. Ask yourself What you do and How you do it (the two outer rings in the Senek’s Golden circle).
2. Try answering the Why question and see if you can articulate a unique way to frame your response that brings clarity and purpose to your mission in life.
3. If you are unable to articulate the Why, it means, in most cases, that you have not found your calling and you are merely engaged in what you do by being “on” it and not “in” it. Going from being “on” to being “in” will answer the question of your being; your purpose on this planet!

Until you can find the answer to your Why question that deeply satisfies you, you are merely engaged in the “What.”

Good luck!