As a career and life coach, I come across a broad spectrum of people: some clients, some who want to engage with me, and others, just maundering through life trying to figure out if hiring a career/life coach would change their life, often without making a real change in their own way of doing things! I have seen a pattern of behavior among those with whom I encounter and found a good correlation between some of their habits and their plight. As a career and life coach it is my job to coach my clients to be effective in their everyday interactions with others, but I cannot do that gratuitously with those, whom I encounter casually.
So, in this blog I am going to write about the patterns of these behaviors that explain why these people are not in charge of their own destiny! I cannot say with certainty that these are their habits. This requires displaying a repeated pattern of these behaviors. But, what I can say is that if they are not aware of them, they may benefit by first becoming aware of them, and then by working on them to rid themselves of these annoying behaviors.
It is not my contention that all shiftless people display ALL of these seven traits. Even if you can identify with one or more of the seven traits below, you are in the club of the shiftless (it is a matter of degree). Only the truly inveterate possess all seven characteristics! In my encounters I have met people that possess all seven; it’s rare!
1. Late to Appointments: This single trait is perhaps the most visible among those who do not respect their station and that of the others they encounter. It is either that they think that their time is more important or that they do not consider that they have kept others waiting. Chronic lateness is indicative of lack of self-respect. Remedy: Uncover what is causing this chronic tardiness and work on the factors that cause it. Commit yourself to be on time for all events and honor that commitment!
2. Missing commitments: A commitment is not always a written agreement bound by law, but it is any verbal indication given to others of your intent to do something (for others, and even for themselves!). Those who are in control of their own lives are implacable about keeping their commitments. When these people say they are going to do something you can count on them to do it without any excuses. Also, if they are not going to meet their commitments, they will re-commit to a new goal or objective before missing it, and then deliver on it, without getting caught by others or without a reminder.
3. Finger Pointing: Members of the shiftless club have a ready excuse for not holding themselves accountable for their acts. They often find some excuse or blame for their failure. When they do not take responsibility for their own actions and outcomes they often fail to learn from their own failures. A failure is a great opportunity to learn what needs to be changed. Not holding themselves accountable in such failures, they miss a golden opportunity to improve themselves through the life’s valuable lessons. They also do not recognize that by pointing their index finger at others, they are actually pointing their three fingers of that hand towards themselves!
4. Inconsistent Posture: This characteristic is also called “blowing with the wind.” Shiftless people do not have a definite point of view (they are, of course, capable of it, but often lack the intellectual spine to take a position), so they go along with the prevailing view and constantly take stock of where the majority opinion is headed. Holding a point of view takes courage and conviction. By not showing either, they lose respect from others.
5. Ambiguous Communication: One way to increase one’s effectiveness is to know how to communicate effectively and unambiguously. The shiftless often take refuge behind miscommunication and justify their lack of action on misunderstood and miscommunicated messages. This goes well for them with # 3, Finger Pointing! Effective communication requires reciprocity. This means that if something is not clear the other party (you!) must ask for more clarity until your obligations are clear in that transaction!
6. Constant Martyrdom: This is yet another interesting attribute the shiftless often display in their behavior. They often give reason why they are not deserving of some opportunity that they can otherwise conquer. A martyr is one who adopts a specious air of suffering or deprivation, especially as a means of attracting sympathy or attention. With constant practice the shiftless get very good at it! They often believe that, somehow, suffering is ennobling. No, it is not! What is ennobling is the recovery from this suffering! They also often invoke the Universal Plan: If the Universe wanted me to succeed…., etc. This constant victim mentality keeps them from achieving their true potential.
7. Criticizing Others: Card-carrying members of the shiftless community are very good at criticizing others and their actions. In a more benign way they will resort to “Monday-morning quarterbacking;” in a more toxic way they often stir-up enough dissent and confusion for a chosen course of action that others like them will often vitiate or even compromise the overall mission. Their criticism often does not rise to any clear or constructive course of action, but results in confusion among the ranks. When this happens the shiftless point to their righteous predictions!
Moving from a shiftless mindset to a mindset that makes you effective in your everyday action is a matter of choice. By focusing on the above list if you can identify the habits that you need to change to become an effective individual, in charge of your own destiny, then honestly auditing your behaviors against the above list is a good start!
Good luck!