“The human moment has two prerequisites: peoples’ physical presence and their emotional and intellectual attention.”—Edward Hallowell, author of The Human Moment
Today’s business world is becoming increasingly more virtual in which humans are becoming growingly more alienated. What has accelerated the disappearance of simple human contact in many business interactions and transactions is growing use of technology in almost every thing that a business does. At the core of it, though, it is the humans who actually make intelligent decisions, build relationships, and come up with creative ways of expanding a business. Increasing absence of simple human interactions has greatly increased the levels of stress in an everyday existence as it relates to work life. This toxic stress spills over into our personal life and there is no escaping of the vicious cycle of increased stress leading to not having time for human contact, which leads to even greater stress. This article is based on the original paper that Hallowell wrote for the Harvard Business Review.
With increasing use of emails, instant messages, voice mails, and distant communication, human beings on the one hand have been brought closer. The advent of email alone has resulted in more frequent communication between people who did not even communicate before. People reach across the globe just to touch base with those that matter to them in ways that they did not before. But, the irony in this development is that it has created an illusion of a relationship that is, in fact, purely transactional. This is the case of good communication that blocks relationship building! Just because you communicate more frequently does not mean that you know them any better!
Most business communications tend to be transactional in nature as well. As a result, they tend to be functional more than having any emotional component. Personal communication that has greatly increased as a result of the email becoming ubiquitous, on the other hand, tends to be more intimate and emotional.
In the business world this increasingly impersonal, functional, and harried way of communicating has alienated those who engage in these communications. Emails are notoriously casual, cryptic, or even abrupt—hence rude in may instances. Recipients of such emails often interpret such messages as emotional assaults on their sensibilities and they become gradually isolated from those who unwittingly engage in such communications. It is because of these instances and their growing trend in business that the human moment is becoming so critical in its need. Without such a human moment those who are involved in ongoing communications that avoid the human touch, become too isolated, gradually becoming less resilient. Once they lose their resilience, they gradually become brittle and stressed, reaching a breaking point. This now starts a vicious cycle as their own outgoing messages become the very examples of what got them in this space in the first place.
An antidote for this vicious cycle and the feeling of isolation is the creating and nurturing of the human moment. As the quote suggests, it requires two or more humans in the same physical space willing to share their thoughts and emotions in an open and mindful ways.
The following list suggests how to avoid a brownout and an eventual burnout resulting from the ongoing lack of the human moment and how to prolong the period between the need for the human moment in our increasingly virtual world:
- When sending email messages, especially those that disparage the recipient in some way or demean what they have done, crafting the message with care can be a great way to prevent premature burnout for its recipients and, in turn, for you. Remember, for every action there is equal and opposite karmic reaction! If you are sitting up in the chain of command as someone who is high-and-mighty, that karmic reaction may take just a little longer!
- Do not send angry or upset emails. Instead, pick up the phone and talk to the person one-on-one. Do not leave an angry voice mail, either.
- Sending a message down the chain of command, the higher-ups have to be particularly careful in crafting their messages as they are typically read and re-read many times. Each subsequent reading can increase the perception of the severity of a message. Sending a curt, cryptic, or abrupt email can also have adverse effect on its reader. For example, if a manager finds a report that someone has spent much effort putting together not to their liking, instead of sending a message: “Unacceptable! Redo!!” send a more human message. Explain what needs to change and how to make that report acceptable. If you can coach that person one-on-one in a meeting, even better!
- Higher ups need to use a tamer language and tone in their messages. By their very authority they can convey what they mean without having to be mean in their use of the language.
- Never send an email to someone complaining about what they did with a cc to their superiors. Wait until they have had a chance to respond. If the response is then found to be not to your liking mention first that you plan to escalate this issue upwards, before doing it. Often, the mere mention of such intent can have the effect you are looking for, unless your intent is to demean this person in the eyes of their superiors. Remember, they can do the same to you in kind at other times! This is no way to build relationships.
- Make a point of regularly meeting with those with whom you frequently communicate by distant methods, as emails, voice mail, video conferencing, etc. Make a scheduled meeting that periodically allows you to have a face-to-face discussion in an intimate and personal way. If this is not doable schedule a meeting where you connect just to chat without an express agenda and openly discuss what is working and what can change in the way you conduct business and in your relationship.
- When in doubt about a message and its delivery mode, always decide in favor of a more personal way to communicate: from email to phone, from phone to a group meeting and from a group meeting to a personal meeting.
- Much of the pent-up anger and resentment can be diffused with an occasional message of encouragement and good news. Catch someone doing something right and send a warm message of appreciation. When sending such messages of felicity keep them pure. Do not corrupt them with a “yes, but…” statement or give a left-handed compliment. Send the note in a memorable way: a Thank You! note in the mail sent to their desk or office, a card in the interoffice envelope, or a greeting card to the home address.
Take a moment to look around you and see how others are doing their best to do a good job. No one goes to work thinking that they are going to sabotage something or screw something deliberately just to make a point! A little bit of humanity shown at the right moment can create a tremendous amount of good will that can be a positive force in an otherwise competitive environment. We all could use that!