Stamping out the “F” Word!

Recently, when the long-drawn-out Health Care Bill was finally passed and was in front of President Barack Obama for signature, the biggest news was not about the new law, but was about the “F” bomb that Vice President Joe Biden dropped by whispering in the President’s ear!

This article is about another “F” word that I deal with almost daily in my coaching practice: Failure! In my Client Intake Questionnaire one of the questions is, What would you attempt to do if you knew that you would not fail.

I purposely designed this question to elicit from my clients before we engage what dreams they hold that they would like to fulfill in this lifetime and what coaching help they could use to get there. Here, I am expecting some lofty responses such as, I would like to change the way the world looks at poverty and eradicate it; I would change the way people look at race and bring equality, etc. But, because a large percentage of my client pool is technology based most of the responses tend to be grounded in technology. For example someone might respond by saying, I’d devise a single chip that does…., etc.

I think that the problem here is not of not having big enough imagination or ambition to state your lofty dream, but it is that of the fear of failure from not having accomplished that dream. This is a real tragedy! What I find in my coaching practice is how consistently and how deeply most clients discount themselves: their potential, their abilities, and what they can achieve if they just set their mind to it.

The reality is that those who clearly state their lofty ambitions and diligently work on their agreed plans, start heading in the direction of their goal a lot faster than they ever imagined. Some are even pleasantly surprised by how it all came together for them once they surrendered themselves to their vision and committed to it.

So, what is the secret to achieving what you truly wish to attain? Well, here are my observations about the pattern I see in why certain clients “succeed:”

1. Your dream or vision must be grounded in true purpose and not in some dehydrated and ersatz yardstick that you think is important to others: Wealth, fame, power, adoration, etc. By focusing in what others view as important you become their proxy and you focus on those goals as important. Often, these outcomes are the by-products of achieving your juicy dream and are not their intended outcome.
2. Decide for yourself what you want to do and what you want to BE. Now you have chosen your own path and not someone else’s. Once you are on that Path your life begins to have a greater purpose. Once you are driven by your purpose some mysterious forces begin to create tailwinds for you to help you move forward in ways that you cannot, if you do not have this alignment of purpose.
3. Shift your focus from “Success” to “Achievement.” Success often has Failure as its opposite and that can scare many from even trying. But, focusing on achievement, instead, is empowering. So, for an entrepreneur their achievement could be that they started a new venture that they always wanted to start. “Success” in the context of our societal norms depends on so many uncontrolled and uncontrollable parameters that if things do not line-up the outcome should not be held hostage to your trying out your dream.
4. Focus on the learning more than on the outcome. When people succeed in whatever it is that they undertake it is difficult to identify exactly what caused them to be successful. But, when they do not succeed in achieving their goals, the lessons learned are invaluable. Fail early, fail often, and fail big for really big lessons and quickly!
5. Take advice from others but do not let them be your proxy in how you drive yourself. Hear them out but finally listen to your own self. Trust your instincts and believe in yourself.
6. Avoid copying what worked for someone else. If there is a template that works use that template, but do not blindly copy someone to duplicate their success.
7. Replace the “F” word with the “L” word. So, no matter what the outcome is you have always Learned something.
8. Stay connected with positive risk takers who methodically—not recklessly—deal with risks and conquer them. Also, hold positive thoughts about what you are doing and how this is going to turn out. Once you program your mind to stamp out any negative thoughts you would be surprised by how much clarity you create in moving forward to achieve what you set out to achieve.
9. Remember that there are many famous people who died broke: Charles Goodyear, Samuel Johnson, Leonardo da Vinci. So, what are you afraid of?
10. Now, go and write to Joe Biden that there is yet another “F” word that he should avoid in his lexicon. Also, go after your dream and make it come to life!