I speak the truth not so much as I would, but as much as I dare, and I dare a little more as I grow older. -Michel de Montaigne, essayist (1533-1592)
There are several ways we normally communicate: by speaking, through our writings, and how we project our overall message including our body language. Sometimes, we do not need to say a word, yet our body radiates volumes of what we are really thinking.
I was reminded of this when struck by one single picture of Prince Charles and Princess Dianna during their India visit, where a photographer captured them from their back, standing together watching a parade in their honor. They were standing about a foot apart from each other, but their body language, through a photo taken even from the back, was radiating a single message: we can’t stand each other; we are splitting up. It really did not matter even if at the same instant their frontal shot had shown them beaming, enjoying that parade. Soon thereafter they split up!
Although we make great efforts to focus on one particular channel of our message delivery, by our speech, we do not normally pay enough attention to other parts that collectively project the overall message that, at worst, unmistakably communicates our real intent or at best it leaves the other person confused.
The key aspect of communicating a cogent and coherent message is our authenticity; if we are authentic in our message then all aspects of what we communicate are in synch and they ally with us to project a singularly unified message that can either serve us or deny us what we are seeking. A good example of this is when you watch a baby throw a tantrum. Every part of the their body is communicating that they are unhappy and that they want something badly; the cry, the face, the tears, the flailing of limbs, the stiffness! The same holds true when that baby is happy again, when every pore of the body is now oozing out happiness. That is the power of authentic communication!
Authentic communication is critical in business–especially during job interviews, where we are constantly attempting to adjust our message to make sure that the interviewer is in agreement with what we communicate and we are communicating what the interviewer is expecting! In an attempt to conquer what we are seeking we focus on what we want more than what we are, or who we are. In the process we betray our authenticity and vitiate our efforts to get what we want.
Authentic communication requires congruence of visual, aural, and verbal faculties. Physical vocabulary–our body language–plays a major part in this, but overall, we must manage all our faculties so that they project an authentic signal to those who matter in that interchange. If we are truly authentic, we do not need to manage anything, but be ourselves. Sometimes, this is not easy to do when there is some conflict in being completely authentic.
So, what is the best way to show your authentic self without compromising your ability to be true. Here is my prescription:
- Do not focus on what you want to say, but focus more on how the interviewer is going to interpret what you say. So, instead of saying I am leaving my current job because I cannot stand my new boss, it is better to say, In our current organization there is little opportunity for my growth, so I am looking for a change.
- Use words carefully because they often betray your state of mind or intent. So, instead of saying I had to compromise my need to get involved in new designs with the department’s need to do maintenance work, it is better to say, I decided that I needed to balance my creative urge with the need to keep the current products supported well.
- Before responding to a question, pause, think, smile, and then carefully deliver a measured response. Congruity is important in each response, where the verbal, aural, and the physical vocabulary match to create an authentic signal. Actors get good at this by understanding the character they are playing. Without suggesting that you should ham it up during your interview session I’d suggest that finding a good balance between what you can live with against what is going to be trouble for you later on when you get that job. No matter how badly you want that job, remember, you are also interviewing them for the same reason–mutual selection.
- Do a congruency check by video taping your interview and by watching how you come across to yourself. Normally, we are our worst critics.
- Whenever possible learn from the interviews or encounters, where you did not get what you went there to sell. This is how you build your authenticity platform.
Good luck!