When is it Time to Move On?

“The secret to survival is knowing when to hold ‘em and when to fold.”–Kenny Rogers, singer

“How you leave a job can say more about you than all the work you ever did–particularly if leave badly.”–A CTO

Few people realize that there comes a time in their job when work is no longer fun, but a drag. Sometimes, this happens suddenly, when they get a new boss who does not like them, or that working conditions suddenly change due to a variety of reasons. In most cases, though, reaching this state of no fun happens over time for most and that is why most even do not recognize it. Their pent-up stress eventually become unbearable.

The following list of warning signs is a good check to assess if you are ready to make a transition to a different job (inside or out):

1. You do not get energized to go to work on Mondays. Mondays are good barometers of how much you like your job. If you dread going to work on Mondays this is a good sign that you have run the course with your job and that you must move on or make a change. Yet another symptom: once the week gets going, you cannot wait for the weekend and you start planning for that from the first day of the week. Mondays, especially seem to drag on, right from the first hour on the job. For some, this feeling is not just limited to Mondays but every day that they have to go to work. Many seek respite by frequent visits to the restroom, reading material in their hands! Some even take up smoking so that they get to go out to have a puff or two, away from their desk.
2. You have a lot on your mind, just not work. The work doesn’t challenge you and time hangs. In meetings you day dream and do not participate. You dread going to meetings to which you are invited and wonder about those where you are not.
3. In meetings your inputs get ignored. This is another sign that you are no longer an important part of the team. Even if you suggest something great, it is looked upon with furrowed brow, ignored, or worse, attributed to someone else for credit a bit later.
4. You do not get important memos/emails. This is yet another sign that you are on your way out—or should be—and that your existence is tantamount to that of a “parasite.”
5. You get no-win assignments. If you see yourself being set up for a series of no-win assignments, then you can assume that your boss is setting you up for a “special review” that documents how you have flubbed a series of assignments in a row.
6. Nearly completed assignments get yanked. You are about to complete an important project. The project is a bit late for no fault of yours and your boss knows that. Just before you are about to put the final piece of the puzzle in place to complete the project, your boss yanks you from the project and gives it to someone else, who then finishes “on schedule,” taking full credit for it.
7. Someone more junior acts as the boss’s proxy. Someone you regarded as your junior will bring a message from the boss telling you to do something on their behalf.
8. Things change, not to your advantage. The boss you got along with so well leaves, or worse, takes on a new favorite employee. Eventually, that person gets layered in above you on the corporate ladder, intercepting your access to the boss, taking over plum projects and moving you out of the decision-making loop. The change is subtle at first, but your loss of status compounds over time.Yet another unmistakable sign that you are superfluous is that when your company merges or acquires other companies, those less experienced than you, come to your organization with titles higher than yours.
9. Your boss takes you for granted. You do something well and you get pigeonholed as the company expert in that area. Or you’re no longer seen as having potential for new projects. Or, just as bad, you’re known as the good corporate citizen who’ll do whatever you’re asked – including relocating multiple times. Another unmistakable sign of your redundancy is that your boss does not include you on a committee that is set up to review something in your area of expertise. When you confront them, a typical rationalization is “I did not want to distract you from what you were doing.”
10. You pigeonhole yourself. Some top performers stay at their jobs because they don’t believe they could succeed elsewhere. The longer you’re at a place, the more you think that success depends on your environment, or you lose confidence that you can do anything else. This is particularly true of senior professionals in their mid 40s who are otherwise ready for a promotion (Director, VP)
11. Your mood ranges from angry to angrier. No matter how well-regarded your work is, or once was, if you develop a reputation as a querulous crank, colleagues will distance themselves. And that isolation can make you more vulnerable in a layoff.
12. You feel like hell. Unhappiness can undermine your health. Early signs of excess stress: stomachaches, headaches and insomnia.
13. Everyone looks like they’re having fun. You sulk and isolate yourself because no one comes to you for advice.

Hiring may be sparse in your field. You may be supporting a family and need the money—to say nothing of the health insurance. You only have a few years before fully vesting in your stock options. Or you’re retiring in less than 15 years and want to maximize the pension you get.

If that’s the case and you plan to stay, do more than just sucking it up.

Don’t see yourself as a wage slave. See your job as a funding source for what you want to do next. Do what’s required and do it as quickly as you can, then network with those who can give you the growth you need for the next job.

And try to develop new skills that will serve you well when you do leave.

Because the trouble with waiting–to vest, to retire, to get promoted–is that it doesn’t always pay off. There’s nothing stopping employers from letting you go five minutes before you reach your goal. And the terms of your exit will be theirs, not yours.

Sticky Wickets

In any working environment it is not uncommon to encounter situations where important relationships are compromised and you become vulnerable. Your dream job becomes your nightmare and you are suddenly exposed to the threat of termination or that you can no longer perform effectively or in a dignified manner. Let’s look at some typical circumstances where such a possibility can arise:

1. The CEO or someone in the chain of command assigns their family member (child, wife, brother/sister) to work under you; the person does not deliver and they do their own thing.
2. An important customer inveigles the CEO to hire one of their family members reporting to you
3. Your boss hits on you
4. Your colleagues/associates hit on you
5. Your colleagues/associates make ongoing attempts to hijack your project
6. Your initiative that has helped the company in a major way is hijacked away from you; you are “reassigned.”
7. Your colleagues treat you in a demeaning way
8. You have a fleeting affair with your boss or someone in the direct chain of command
9. You catch a higher-up in a compromising situation (fraud, sexual encounter)
10. You see shenanigans going on that is hurting the company
11. Your boss (or someone higher up) is engaged in a repugnant–even illegal–activity

Although this is not an inclusive list of misfortunes that can cross your career path or even derail your plans, if not your career, they are representative of today’s workplace. They, actually, go back to prehistoric times as their existence stems from the basic human condition. The incidence of aberrant behaviors in the corporate world is no different than what you’d see in the world as a whole. If you are morally centered and have a good sense of balance between “right” and “wrong,” you will be outraged by such encounters. Somehow, people think that inside the walls of the corporate world, you should be insulated from anything aberrant. But, when you see this within the confines of the hallowed walls of your own company, all your enthusiasm about your work and about making a difference will be sucked out from you and you may find it difficult getting up and going to work.

This, however, is an emotional reaction to what is happening and the best strategy is to drain the emotion and to deal with it rationally–a very difficult thing to do when you are in the middle of an experience. The following suggestions my help in moving ahead:

1. Do not react in ways that can put you at a disadvantage as far as how others perceive you in your reaction to what has happened to you. You have witnessed what happened to you first hand, but others are merely a party to your reaction to it. Your emotional reaction alone may vitiate the injustice and the outrage you feel. You must keep it bottled up and deal with it in a coolly calculated and rational way. An indignant or even hysterical response may seem appropriate, but it can diminish your power to pursue the correct course of action. Often, as time passes, people merely remember only the affect of your hysteria; the event that triggered it may by undermined by it.
2. Before going to someone within your own organization and giving them an earful, be mindful that everyone has their own agenda. Someone may use this opportunity to further their own agenda by making your situation worse for you. Even if they act with an altruistic motive to help, you do not know how they are going to do it and how that is going to affect your situation. In an emotionally charged situation what is said and what is communicated are often in disagreement.
3. Talk it over immediately with someone you trust–preferably from the outside–so that you can get an objective assessment of what is happening. Be truthful so that you can get an honest assessment of what is happening. Do not embellish or hide parts of what you did if they were less than honorable.
4. If you are going to react to an episode in a continuing saga, pick your battles and use your judgment to take appropriate action. Do not cry wolf!
5. If the person causing you grief is a peer or is at a level below you, dealing with them is easier. Either go to them directly, their immediate superior, or to the HR representative.
6. Some companies have ombudsman function that is assigned to a high-level executive, often off-site. If you trust this process, make an appointment. It is not uncommon, though, to not have the kind of secrecy or even privacy you expect from such meetings. After all, everyone is somehow connected in a company.
7. If you assess that you are fighting an uphill battle, chose a path that allows you to stay for a while, but make your résumé and start looking outside.
8. While you are there, placate those who can help you — especially if they happen to be your boss or superior — and pretend like nothing is wrong, even if you are seething with outrage from within. Interestingly, those who are morally corrupt, expect others to be like them!
9. Get out at the first chance and do not raise a stink.
10. Just in case the entire matter suddenly takes on a legal turn, keep all your ‘evidence” in a safe and accessible place (not the company computer) and write your own notes to document what is happening. If you maintain a calendar make entries of appointments with peoples’ names and topics of the meeting.
11. Do not threaten legal action unless you have an attorney first. Assay the merits of the case first with your attorney.

Some Exit Strategies

Nearly everyone goes through phases in their jobs and careers where they doubt their future and value to their organization. If this feeling becomes chronic there is a time to reflect and act. Of course, your response to what is happening to you depends on the level at which you participate. For example a fresh graduate receiving an occasional heave-ho from their teammates or even their boss every now and then may not be a cause of concern. But, if a senior manager receives a series of signals, despite their ongoing and great contributions, must weigh their situation against the options and act on them with some studied reflection.

The following list is provided as a preparation to getting ready when a combination of circumstances, outlined in the 13 warning signs presented previously, become everyday part of your job:

1. Always have your résumé up to date. Find what assignments you can get in your current job that will enhance your résumé if you were to move on. On an ongoing basis look for such assignments and ask your boss before anyone else gets them.
2. Go above and beyond what is expected: provide the exceptional! This will give you a great avenue to write your leadership stories in the résumé and make you marketable on an ongoing basis.
3. Work quietly and stay in the background. Visible employees tend to get into trouble when things shift. Always focus on your work and not on your politics.
4. Do not speak ill of anyone. In an organization rumor mill is the main means of communication. Do not become a part of rumormongers.
5. Always stay positive. Even if you do not agree with a decision, carry out the assignment without complaining and to the best of your abilities.
6. Always make yourself dispensable by sharing what you do with others and leaving a trail of “what to do in case of…,” so that the organization does not suffer because you become unavailable. Share this with others so they know where to find the trail. Acting this way shows confidence in your own worth. Those who keep secrets about how they do things often get booted out, contrary to what they expect.
7. Always stay positive and optimistic, smiling often. It may not make you successful and let you get what you want, but how it annoys others might alone make it worthwhile to act this way!
8. If someone is undermining your efforts, observe carefully and then confront the person. Practice straight talk and see if you can understand their motives. Do not reciprocate by doing the same to them. Always be in your element. If undermining others and engaging in subterfuge is not your game, do not learn it just to survive in the changed circumstances; you will do poorly and get exposed.
9. If you do not believe in your boss’s leadership you must answer the question: can I live with this person as my manager? As we discussed in Chapter-3 leadership and being a manger are two entirely different relationships. Leaders inspire and make you forget that you are working. Instead they create an environment where their followers spontaneously do their best in ways they cannot explain. True leadership is a magical force. Is this happening in your everyday existence? If the answer is no, then you must ask yourself the next obvious question of being able to tolerate your manager.
10. The best way to really understand the relationship you have with your boss is to have a heart-to-heart talk where you discuss the deeper issues of your relationship with them in a non-confrontational way. Having a “straight talk” and seeking responses to your issues is the best way to understand the relationship between you and your boss. After all, leadership is about relationship, inspiration, and trust. If you do not see a flow of that energy then your boss is not a leader. It is difficult to sustain and be creative in such an environment. You must decide what your real options are from then on. Going in denial over what is happening merely prolongs the agony.
11. In some cases, a boss will sense your unhappiness after such a meeting (# 10 above) and may try to placate you by giving you a “promotion” and a title to go with it. But, in terms of real authority you may have little or none. Once the allure of the fancy title is vitiated by the lack of commensurate authority and power, you may start feeling worse than you did before your change of status. Now, if you are sidelined, you gradually lose your career momentum and paint yourself in a corner, with no place to go. The best strategy in such cases is to confront such situations early and keep your career momentum by either looking for other opportunities inside or going out aggressively after what you really want.
12. If the CEO or someone at or near the top ostracizes you because of a personal grudge and that you cannot repair that damage, do not expect even your most loyal colleagues to go to bat for you. They may feign that loyalty, but their own loyalty is to their job. Do not be misled by a misplaced sense of false loyalty.
13. If the source of the wrath is from really high place (s), but your boss likes you and your work, see if they will shield you and let you continue in a diminished role.
14. If, in spite of your good work and behavior, you start seeing the 13 warning signs listed at the beginning of this Appendix, prepare to leave.
15. Leave with dignity and grace.

Leaving with Dignity

Regardless of what prompts your departure you must remain unemotional about the whole process of leaving your employer (see Emotional Intelligence in Appendix-IV). The following tips are offered to make your departure not a liability on your career balance sheet:

1. Meet with your boss and state that you need to move on. Do not complain do not explain.
2. If you have something in hand already lined up that is great. If not do not lie. It is always a good idea to look for a job when you have one. Looking for a job when out of work often puts you at a disadvantage, but sometimes this becomes an inevitable reality. In such a case see if you can work out an arrangement with your boss, so that you can “park” yourself looking for work, inside or out, and get reassigned for a reasonable period.
3. Make oral presentation of your departure plans, the status of projects, etc. and explain that you plan to provide details when you present your letter of resignation. This is generally done in a day or so after the initial meeting.
4. Give at least two weeks’ notice
5. Ask whom you should brief on your pending assignments so that they can continue as you leave your job.
6. Give details of how your boss may be able to reach you in case something crops up after you depart. Set the parameters of your availability.
7. Thank your boss for the opportunities and their support. This may be difficult if the situation is causing a forced departure. Mention that for the most part you enjoyed working at the place. Do not let your immediate experience taint your entire tenure at the company.
8. Do not take parting shots at any one or any thing.
9. Do not expect a bon voyage party.
10. Do not loan your items to anyone with the excuse of coming back to visit and retrieving them once you leave. Most loaned items ¾ especially books ¾ are usually never returned.

Take all your personal files, belongings, and items with you on your way out. Do not expect them to be available later for you to retrieve.